{"id":21,"date":"2007-10-19T20:26:26","date_gmt":"2007-10-19T20:26:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/travisheermann.com\/blog\/?p=21"},"modified":"2009-08-18T20:37:55","modified_gmt":"2009-08-18T20:37:55","slug":"flash-gordon-doesnt-flash-just-fizzles","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/travisheermann.com\/blog\/2007\/10\/19\/flash-gordon-doesnt-flash-just-fizzles\/","title":{"rendered":"Flash Gordon Doesn’t Flash, Just Fizzles"},"content":{"rendered":"

Yes, it’s been a blue moon since my last post, but that‘<\/span>s actually a good thing for me, because it means I’ve been busy the last couple of months.<\/p>\n

The thing that‘<\/span>s been on my mind lately is how horribly the Sci-Fi Channel has not only failed, but soiled, one of the great icons of science fiction. <\/span>As a kid, I lived for the Flash Gordon animated series on Saturday morning. <\/span>When the most recent movie came out in 1980, I had that Queen soundtrack and actually wore out the cassette. <\/span>I spent countless hours drawing Flash Gordon rocket ships and dreaming up epic space battles. <\/span><\/p>\n

So you can imagine how interested I was when I heard that the Sci-Fi Channel was doing a Flash Gordon series. <\/span>I heard an interview with the director, who said that Sci-Fi Channel bought thirteen episodes without ever seeing a script. They knew there was a lot of prestige in sci-fi-dom behind the Flash Gordon name.<\/p>\n

And perhaps you can imagine how disappointed I was when I saw the results. <\/span>If there is justice in the sci-fi universe, there will be no more than thirteen episodes. <\/span>Ever.<\/p>\n

I was giving it a chance. <\/span>The show was set mostly on Earth, not Mongo, and there were no rocketships. <\/span>Ok, giving it a chance. Here are the OK points.<\/p>\n

OK POINTS<\/strong><\/p>\n

Eric Johnson (Flash) – A fair enough choice. <\/span>Adequate acting and screen presence. <\/span>Not overwhelming, but certainly adequate.<\/p>\n

Gina Holden (Dale Arden) – Again, a fair enough choice. The lack of screen chemistry between Dale and Flash doesn’<\/span>t help things, however.<\/p>\n

Karen Cliche (Baylin) – This character\/actress grew on me, even though her name sounds like something uber-hip yuppies would name their Baby Gap kid. <\/span>She had good comic timing and just enough evil in her eyes to be interesting.<\/p>\n

Jody Racicot (Dr. Zarkov) – Quirky, funny, good comic relief.<\/p>\n

Planet Mongo – When they DO actually make it onto the planet Mongo, it‘<\/span>s sufficiently well done to not ruin anything.<\/p>\n

HORRIBLE UNFORGIVABLE DOWNFALL POINTS<\/strong><\/p>\n

John Ralston (Ming the Merciless) – Give me a break! <\/span>This guy looks like somebody’s lawyer! <\/span>He‘<\/span>s not the least bit scary (except for his dialogue) and his screen presence is hyperbolically approaching zero. <\/span>This might have been redeemable IF he had some great stentorian Shakespearean voice, like Max von Sydow or Patrick Stewart. <\/span>Nope, sorry. <\/span>Some whiny kid named Jimmy next door would have made a better Ming. <\/span>Whoever cast this guy for this part should be kicked out of Hollywood. <\/span>Go make some Lifetime movies.<\/p>\n

Giles Panton (Joe Wylee) – Dale Arden’s fiancee…\u00a0 Huh?\u00a0 Whoever decided to make the Dale\/Flash relationship a love triangle should suffer the same fate as the person who cast Ming. <\/span>There is zero screen chemistry between this guy and Dale. <\/span>Their relationship is never explored. <\/span>He‘<\/span>s just thrown in there as the “third wheel,“<\/span> the obstacle, because everyone KNOWS Flash and Dale are a thing, with no intention of making him into a real character.<\/p>\n

Rocketships – There AREN‘<\/span>T any! <\/span>They do some sort of dimensional leap back and forth between worlds. Lame. Cheap and lame.<\/p>\n

The Hawkmen – Up until I saw this episode, I was still trying to give the show a chance. <\/span>Rarely have I ever flown into paroxysms of outrage whilst watching a TV show. <\/span>I was yelling at the screen, “OMFG! <\/span>Lame, lame, lame<\/strong><\/em>, LAME<\/em>!<\/strong>” \u009d <\/span>The hawkmen, a race of people with WINGS, were an old standard of the Flash Gordon universe, and the Sci-Fi channel turned them into guys with ragged leather capes that they used for GLIDING, and they went around screeching at each other like hawks. <\/span>And they stood around on the side of a hill with drums and skulls dancing around in a circle like Indians. <\/span>I swear to God, the actors looked embarrassed.<\/em> <\/span>I was embarrassed for<\/em> them.<\/p>\n

From a network that brought back Battlestar Galactica and turned it into one of the greatest sci-fi drama series EVER, gave us the lovable Farscape, and kept Stargate alive probably longer than they should have, they took a science-fiction icon like Flash Gordon and turned it into a gob of filthy green ooze that I can’t wait to get off the bottom of my shoe. <\/span>Somebody at SFC should know what good sci-fi is. <\/span>If they had done Flash Gordon with a cast and budget like Farscape, as it SHOULD have been done, it would have been a monster, smash success. Guaranteed. <\/span>But they didn‘<\/span>t, and the result is something everybody involved would probably best forget. <\/span>The lack of talent in every aspect of production, from scripts to costumes to directing, shows how committed no one <\/em>was to making this a worthy effort.<\/p>\n

If you want real Flash Gordon, watch the old TV cartoon. <\/span>Or find some old Buster Crabbe serials. <\/span>Let this one die quickly, and bury it under the sand. <\/span>Deep. <\/span>Bury it deep.<\/p>\n

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